Why is it important to care … about ourselves?

“Oh no, we don’t do that dear”, replied a lady who was attending a taster session once.  She looked at me like she didn’t understand what I was saying. 

“Be kind to myself?” she went on. It seemed that ‘being kind to herself’ was something strange and unheard of.

I could write long and hard about why people think this way, but in short let’s say that we are generally not taught to be kind to ourselves.  In fact, some see it as selfish, arrogant, indulgent and that it is far more important to put others first.

Well, shouldn’t we?  Put others first?  Now, of course it is important to care for others, very important indeed.  That is how we move forward in the world, to be cared for.  When we are loved and cherished, we flourish.

However, consider this, if we only give and give and give, without stopping to refuel, how long can we go on?  How many people do you know that are tired or exhausted because they are only doing and giving, and not resting?  How long can we go on like that?  Not long.  It is unsustainable.  People can end up overwhelmed and burnt out, which leads to problems with ill health, mentally and physically, often leading to dis-ease.

I like to draw on the analogy of when we are in an aeroplane and they advise that when the oxygen mask drops down then you must put yours on first before helping others put theirs on, and I think this is true of life.  If we do not have that oxygen, how can we help others?

If we consider what our priorities are.  Maybe it is family, parenting, career, earning money or friendships?  What do we need in order put our heart and soul into these things?  Really, it is good health.  If we do not have good health, then it is difficult to have that great career or be an active caring parent. 

Kristin Neff (2021) writes that there is evidence to show that those who are self-compassionate are in fact more compassionate towards others.  I imagine us, like a cup, that if we fill ourselves up with care, kindness, compassion and love, then we will only brim over and then there is more than enough for everyone else.

So, take a moment.  Pause. 

Check in with yourself : ‘What do I need right in this moment?’ 

A few deep breaths?

A stretch?

A walk?

A bath?

To close my eyes?

To sleep?

A hug?

To be told I’m worthy?

Do this one little thing for yourself.  Start now. 

See if you can set an intention that ‘I am going to take care of myself from now on.’  Or to borrow phrases from self-compassion training:

‘May I be kind to myself’

‘May I give myself the compassion I need.’

Reference:

Neff, K. (2021). Fierce Self-Compassion. Penguin Random House.